Hello hello friends!
Please feel free to yell at me and throw rotten tomatoes at me for hardly posting lately, I deserve it. Every week I tell myself to post at least twice, so I’m trying. I really am.
Since it’s nearing the Holiday season and since I’ve recently been reminded of how many wonderful friends I have, I decided to dedicate this post to just that: friendship. I’ve had plenty of experiences with friendships to consider myself well-versed in the topic, so hopefully I have some advice that is worthwhile to you.
I’ve had an incredibly long list of friends and friendships in my life; unfortunately quite a few who haven’t lasted to this point in my life. How does that saying go? “A friend is someone who walks in when the rest of the world walks out”? A little overdone and probably a bit cliche, but it gets the point across. Not everyone sticks around, but that doesn’t always have to be a bad thing.
I have mentioned before that I’m a big believer and advocate of happiness and of doing things to make yourself happier. Sometimes in order to become happier, you have to make changes. And sometimes those changes include cutting negative or toxic people out of your life. Sometimes those negative people are your friends.
Now, I’m not saying to cut out someone because of one fight. I am also a believer of forgiveness and that people can learn from their mistakes. So please don’t take this post as a reason to end a friendship that might not need to be ended. Just hear me out, yeah?
If you’re genuinely unhappy with a friendship, if it pains you to be around that person, if you feel your happiness decline when you’re around them, if you don’t like who you are when you’re around them- that to me is toxic. To me friendships should be opportunities to make you a better, happier person. They should be full of support and love and understanding and it should be beneficial to the both of you.
But sometimes, as terrible as it is, your friend is the opposite of that. And sometimes, you might be that friend. I hate to admit it but I’m sure I’ve been that friend to someone at least once. And if I have, or if I am, I’d understand why you’d want to end the relationship. I wouldn’t ever want someone to suffer around me just because they feel obligated to.
Cutting negative people out of your life is one of the first steps to really appreciating and understanding the good friends that you have. I used to always see friends as being the people you were around the most, the ones you talked to the most frequently. And I suppose there was a time in my life where that was necessary, but as I’ve grown up I’ve learned that that doesn’t always have to be the case.
I have an amazing group of friends in my life right now and there are some that I talk to every single day and some that I talk to only a few times a month. But that’s one of the great things about having such strong friendships- that really doesn’t matter. I have numerous friends that I can start a conversation with after weeks of nothing and pick up right where we left off.
To me it’s all about surrounding yourself with people who make you better. What exactly do I mean by that? I mean find the people who make you happier, that listen to you when you’re a mess and you don’t know what to do, the ones who know how to make you feel better, who don’t try to tell you what to do because they know that ultimately your decision is most important. Find them and don’t let them go, because they are very special.
Don’t let yourself be used or insulted, and please don’t ever let someone make you feel unwanted in a friendship. Your friendship should be valued and appreciated and if anyone ever makes you doubt yourself because of that, consider if the pain you’re feeling is worth it. Surround yourself with people who love you and what you have to offer. You should never have to feel unappreciated in a friendship.
And lastly, in order to have good friends you have to be a good friend. You can’t expect people to treat you well if you’re not treating them well. I’ve learned this from experience, and I’ve grown from it. There has been a few friendships of mine that have ended because I didn’t know this seemingly simple fact. But I’m learning and I’m growing and I really hope that I’m as good of a friend to my friends as they are to me.
So, don’t forget to remind your friends how thankful you are for them. I’m someone who tells my friends that I love them quite often, and sometimes it’s nice to send them a text letting them know how important they are to you. Or give them a hug, I’m sure they wouldn’t mind a hug!