All By Myself

I hadn’t realized how much I do on my own until I found myself uncomfortable with doing something on my own. Let me explain.

Tonight I went over to Target to pick up some things for my Halloween costume (a post on that to come later!) and as usual, the shopping wore me out. And made me very, very hungry. It’s hard work spending money.

Because I’m lazy, however, I didn’t feel like making myself dinner. In fact, I wanted to treat myself to something extra yummy to eat because, well, why not? Since it’s been a rainy, cold day, nothing sounded better than a hot cup of soup. So I headed over to Panera.

During the entire time I spent driving to Panera, I was deciding whether or not I should eat there or take it to-go. If I took the latter route, it would be cold by the time I got home. But if I didn’t, that would mean I’d have to eat at the restaurant. Alone.

It’s funny; I’m a very independent person. I like to do things on my own. I prefer to do most things on my own, actually. But there’s something so terrifying about sitting alone in a restaurant, as vulnerable as can be.

Why should it be any different than eating my breakfast alone in my room every morning? It shouldn’t. Eating alone in public doesn’t mean I’m a loner, or that I’m strange, or anything else of the sort. What it does mean, however, is that I am comfortable with myself. That I enjoy my own company. That I don’t need someone else next me to enjoy a cup of soup and a caesar salad.

I like to think of it this way: I took myself on a date tonight. As cheesy as it sounds, I was the best possible date for myself because I know me better than anyone else ever could. I know what makes me happy, I know what I want, and I know what I deserve. Sometimes it’s nice to just be there for yourself; to know that you really are all you need.

 969f0bf273bc69052e58d6f3f7101ae1

Inspiration From A Friend

Have you ever come across something that really moves you? Something that stirs up a pot of emotions in your soul? We can find inspiration and beauty in even the simplest of things, and today I am going to tell you a bit about one of my very own inspirations.

If you didn’t already know, I have many “internet” friends, two of whom I was lucky enough to meet this past summer. My friend Ren is a beautiful spirit who has greatly contributed to my inner growth and success, and she never fails to inspire me.

As I was scrolling through my YouTube today, I came across a new video of hers: “Eleven Things You Should Know About Deaf People” and let me just say that there may or may not have been a few tears in my eyes by the end of it. Nevertheless, I believe this video sends a message that everyone needs to receive. Because I won’t be able to do it justice, I’m going to leave the video here for you to emerge yourself in.

Don’t overlook the power and strength of the people you love–let them be a reminder that we all have something to give, and we all have something to learn.

LET PEOPLE FEEL

I’m going to try to make this post short and sweet, but it is something that has been on my mind since yesterday and I feel I should address it.

There’s this thing people like to do called ‘invalidating someone’s feelings.’ As many of you probably know, a member from One Direction left the band yesterday and it was a big deal for a lot of people, including myself.

I’ve seen too many people mocking, judging, and essentially just being rude to those of us who are genuinely upset over the situation. The most common claim is that “teenage girls are crying over nothing,” which is problematic in multiple ways. First, to negatively label everyone as “emotional teenage girls” is disgusting-why is it so easy to invalidate a “teenage girls” feelings because of her age and her gender? This is definitely linked to the way young girls are treated in our society: as if they’re shallow, unintelligent, hormone driven people who are apparently a tumor to the intellectual world. But let me just say this: I have never known more compassionate, smart, dedicated and kind people than the teenage girls that have been in my life. Although I am now 21, I have been a teenage girl once and I will always take offense when you belittle someone like that.

Next, people tend to see this entire situation as childish and shallow, but those are the people who have literally no idea what this band means to its fans. It’s deeper than just attractive boys and catchy music, and for a lot of us it is personal. This band has been a big part of our lives for four or five years and when you become invested in something for that long, when you create bonds because of it and you grow up alongside it, it obviously means more than what’s at the surface. I was going through a strange time in my life when I discovered this band, but because of it I met some of my closest friends, I have learned things that I wouldn’t have otherwise learned, I have become a better person, and I have felt like I’ve really belonged. For many of us it has been a constant in our lives, something to always go to whenever we needed because we knew it would always be there. So excuse us for hurting and excuse us for having legitimate feelings.

Of course there are always going to be “bigger and more important” things happening in the world, but that doesn’t mean your personal issues and emotions aren’t worth anything. If you see someone who is clearly affected by something, no matter how insignificant you deem it to be, just respect their feelings. Show some sympathy. Life isn’t about making people feel ashamed for what they love just so you can feel superior for the time being. People can hurt in ways that you might not understand, but that doesn’t mean they’re not hurting.

 ☮

Negativity? No Thanks!

8cc398b2447baf4279be6f234f41d8b1

I’m not sure if it’s something that comes naturally with getting older, but I’ve found that I no longer give a damn about what everyone else thinks of me. When I was younger, in high school especially, I was always so paranoid that people were talking about me when I walked by, or that the giggles I heard behind me were due to the fact that something was terribly wrong with my outfit.

It caused me so much stress and uneasiness because everywhere I went I was wondering what was wrong with me, mentally going through all the ways to not draw attention to myself.

I don’t know if you realize this but that’s kind of a really terrible way to live life.

Perhaps it was college, or maturity, or just some weird happenstance, but eventually that just stopped. Don’t get me wrong, I care a lot about what my friends and family think, but outside of them…nope. From time to time I still get a sense that people are talking about me (it’s a bit obvious when they get into a group and they all take turns looking at you and then proceed to talk in hushed voices) but all I can do is shrug. Because the fact of the matter is that 99.9% of the time those people don’t know me, they’re just making assumptions about me based off of shallow things. All that really matters to me is that I’m happy with myself.

And you know what? I am.

So if you’re battling the same fear that I was, I urge you to take into consideration how little those people know of you. Instead, think of the people close to you who know loads about you and love you unconditionally. Do not base your worth on what some stranger says, it’s simply a waste of time.

You do you, friend. You do you.

49560-Trust-Me-You-Are-Lovely

Change

tumblr_mv0w38WZsw1qamkolo1_500

I want to start off by saying that when I started this blog I wasn’t planning on solely writing sappy posts, but somehow that’s what it has come to. I suppose it’s hard to write about my adventures when I spend most of my time in bed, but alas. I was just now struck with a thought regarding change. (Probably due to the fact that I just finished Gilmore Girls and I feel that my world has been turned upside down.)

Alright, so you know those moments of transition in your life? Let’s say for example, graduating high school and going off to college, maybe breaking up with someone you’ve been with for years, a new job-anything of the sort. It’s always so bittersweet, and in my case I find it to be more bitter than sweet, and we sulk or contemplate the end of that chapter of our lives and then days go by and it doesn’t seem so terrible anymore. In fact, it all seems distant and we often find ourselves wondering why we were so bent out of shape over it in the first place.

Well I have a theory for that. This might just be the dried tears and heavy heart of the Gilmore’s talking here, but the way I see it is this: we live our lives in moments. At the time they don’t seem like merely moments because they’re the focal points of our lives. They’re a given. Once those moments fade, however, once we’re faced with the reality that things change and that nothing will be the same forever, we freak out a bit. Because it’s like our whole life, everything good or routine, is floating in midair and we can jump and jump and jump but it will always be out of reach. But it’s still hovering over us; never really gone.

We sometimes become too comfortable with our lives, which makes sense. So when that constant in our lives is all of a sudden gone, packed away, reserved only for reminiscences, it throws us off. I mean, who knows when or what the next good thing will be? What if nothing will ever be better than what it used to be? But we get over all that. We section off our lives in collections of good or memorable things. And then the next one comes along. And as soon as that period of our lives are over, we feel lost. It’s a cycle. Graduating high school is a bittersweet transition, but then you have college years. Breaking up with your partner is tough, but then you meet someone who exceeds anything you could have ever imagined you wanted. You leave your old job, but the new one is filled with challenges and excitement.

It gets to the point where we look back on our lives and it no longer feels bittersweet; everything just kinda fits together. It works out. It may not feel like it at the time, but it works out.

I’m trying to apply that to my life. The good parts aren’t lost forever, they’re just changing. And that’s perfectly okay.

change10

Who to Surround Yourself With

FRIENDSHIP-theoffice

Hello hello friends!

Please feel free to yell at me and throw rotten tomatoes at me for hardly posting lately, I deserve it. Every week I tell myself to post at least twice, so I’m trying. I really am.

Since it’s nearing the Holiday season and since I’ve recently been reminded of how many wonderful friends I have, I decided to dedicate this post to just that: friendship. I’ve had plenty of experiences with friendships to consider myself well-versed in the topic, so hopefully I have some advice that is worthwhile to you.

I’ve had an incredibly long list of friends and friendships in my life; unfortunately quite a few who haven’t lasted to this point in my life. How does that saying go? “A friend is someone who walks in when the rest of the world walks out”? A little overdone and probably a bit cliche, but it gets the point across. Not everyone sticks around, but that doesn’t always have to be a bad thing.

I have mentioned before that I’m a big believer and advocate of happiness and of doing things to make yourself happier. Sometimes in order to become happier, you have to make changes. And sometimes those changes include cutting negative or toxic people out of your life. Sometimes those negative people are your friends.

Now, I’m not saying to cut out someone because of one fight. I am also a believer of forgiveness and that people can learn from their mistakes. So please don’t take this post as a reason to end a friendship that might not need to be ended. Just hear me out, yeah?

If you’re genuinely unhappy with a friendship, if it pains you to be around that person, if you feel your happiness decline when you’re around them, if you don’t like who you are when you’re around them- that to me is toxic. To me friendships should be opportunities to make you a better, happier person. They should be full of support and love and understanding and it should be beneficial to the both of you.

But sometimes, as terrible as it is, your friend is the opposite of that. And sometimes, you might be that friend. I hate to admit it but I’m sure I’ve been that friend to someone at least once. And if I have, or if I am, I’d understand why you’d want to end the relationship. I wouldn’t ever want someone to suffer around me just because they feel obligated to.

Cutting negative people out of your life is one of the first steps to really appreciating and understanding the good friends that you have. I used to always see friends as being the people you were around the most, the ones you talked to the most frequently. And I suppose there was a time in my life where that was necessary, but as I’ve grown up I’ve learned that that doesn’t always have to be the case.

I have an amazing group of friends in my life right now and there are some that I talk to every single day and some that I talk to only a few times a month. But that’s one of the great things about having such strong friendships- that really doesn’t matter. I have numerous friends that I can start a conversation with after weeks of nothing and pick up right where we left off.

To me it’s all about surrounding yourself with people who make you better. What exactly do I mean by that? I mean find the people who make you happier, that listen to you when you’re a mess and you don’t know what to do, the ones who know how to make you feel better, who don’t try to tell you what to do because they know that ultimately your decision is most important. Find them and don’t let them go, because they are very special.

Don’t let yourself be used or insulted, and please don’t ever let someone make you feel unwanted in a friendship. Your friendship should be valued and appreciated and if anyone ever makes you doubt yourself because of that, consider if the pain you’re feeling is worth it. Surround yourself with people who love you and what you have to offer. You should never have to feel unappreciated in a friendship.

And lastly, in order to have good friends you have to be a good friend. You can’t expect people to treat you well if you’re not treating them well. I’ve learned this from experience, and I’ve grown from it. There has been a few friendships of mine that have ended because I didn’t know this seemingly simple fact. But I’m learning and I’m growing and I really hope that I’m as good of a friend to my friends as they are to me.

So, don’t forget to remind your friends how thankful you are for them. I’m someone who tells my friends that I love them quite often, and sometimes it’s nice to send them a text letting them know how important they are to you. Or give them a hug, I’m sure they wouldn’t mind a hug!

 ☮

Keep Your Head Up

Greetings friends! Sorry for the lack of posts this week but it has been one of the busiest and most stressful ones of the semester thus far. (I’m so good at making excuses)

I’m sitting here at my desk taking a break from homework and I thought to myself “Things are so different now.” And they are. When I think back to my first few weeks, or even my first month or so here, it’s hard to believe that I was ever feeling so down. Things are loads different now, and I couldn’t be happier.

Moving to a new town and being on your own definitely has it’s downs, but as time has gone by I’ve come to realize that it has quite a few upsides to it as well. I’ve met and became friends with some wonderful people, I’ve made memories that I wasn’t expecting to make back in September. And I’ve learned  how to really be on my own, which is something that I was convinced I was already a professional at prior to moving away, but oh how wrong I was!

College is really what you make of it. The same thing goes for nearly any other situation that you’re in-it’s what you make of it. If I had spent the entirety of this semester holed up in my room avoiding my problems and feeling sorry for myself, I wouldn’t be in such a good place right now. Of course there are always going to be hard times but so long as you keep your head up and remain hopeful, things will get better. I am very content with my life right now and I can’t wait to see what other goodies the future brings for me!

Good luck to you all this week, fingers crossed that it’s a quick one.

 ☮